“you were there…and you were there…and youohmygoditsyou”

Guys! Guys. Guyssssssss.

Voice actor IMDB pages are the most blissful rabbit holes ever.

In the past hour, thanks to several Steam trailers for this and the burning conviction that I knew, I knew those voices, I have learned the following:

1.) SpongeBob SquarePants was Spyro the Dragon. And will be in King’s Quest.

2.) Rex the Dragon from Toy Story was the Inconceivable! guy from Princess Bride. And will be in King’s Quest.

3.) Fenris…Fenris! was the first Russian brother in Daredevil. We saw his flesh have…that…happen to it! How did I not know that?!?! I know him in games; first as Balthier but always cropping up in Skyrim or ESO; hell I even recognized his gibberish in The Sims: Medieval. And sure I look up their names or see them tossed about on Tumblr, but they slide off my brain like butter off a griddle. I can’t cling to their names. But how in hell did I not know that was him?! And Sun Quan! Sun Quan. He is Sun Quan in Dynasty Warriors! He whom you’re always having to tear across the map to save because his dumb noble ass can’t stop palavering long enough to avoid being flanked! And he will be in King’s Quest.

4.) Lil from Rugrats was…bear with me…not just Lil but also her brother Phil, and their mom Betty; she was in CatDog, Pound Puppies, Hey Arnold, Kingdom Hearts, World of Warcraft, FFX-2, Goof Troop, Darkwing Duck, Tiny Toons, the English dub of Kiki’s Delivery Service (hi Kiki’s mom!), Futurama, SWTOR, Dragon Age: Origins (CAN YOU BELIEVE SHE IS MARJOLAINE?! LIL DEVILLE IS MARJOLAINE PEOPLE–WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND THAT), and Captain Planet. Yes that Captain Planet! She was Linka, the wind-wielding girl from Russia, my childhood favorite. One person, Kath Soucie, was all those people. Probably 7 out of 10 things I watched or played had her voice in it. She will also…drumroll please…be in King’s Quest.

Maybe this list is unimpressive to you. Perhaps you did not grow up followed by a constant litany of “you were here, you were here, do you remember this, you were here.” But I did. People wanted me to remember things! I tried so hard to do so. To the point where I’d so deeply internalize a story someone told or a photo someone had taken of an event I didn’t recall, that I came to remember it secondhand. And as an adult I recognize that I did that, so I am distrustful of my recognitions, sometimes. “Do I really know that person/place/thing, or do I just want it to be familiar?” Because it would be cyclical, or reassuring, or for whatever other reason?

Well, no! In this case, I am exonerated. Because I do know those voices. The reason they sound so familiar is because I’ve heard them my whole life. Kath Soucie’s first VA job was the year after I was born! I don’t have to scrape and scrounge together some patchwork quilt of memory and hearsay to make the pieces fit! These voices showed up my whole life. The names don’t follow them because I knew their characters–not their actual identities. But it’s not, then, that “oh, they all just sound the same.” It’s that they’re the same people, over and over and over again. Aural pearls on the strings of our lives, stretching all the way back, back, back  to when we were just trying to form words ourselves.

All of which is to say that I am so buying King’s Quest. I gnashed my teeth until I started hearing the voiceovers. “It’s not the same game!” I thought. “This isn’t how it…that’s not how you…it wasn’t like that…” And then I heard the voices. And I don’t care how different the reboot is. It’s still a slice of my childhood–just a different one than I thought it would be. And I will gobble it up with a fork in each hand.

Because the cake is not a goddamn lie, my friends. Not this time.

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