journey to the center of the earth

Cut for spoilers for DA:I The Descent DLC.

Soooo they didn’t come out and say it. They came so close, and I went to work encouraging everyone to go get this because zomg they’re gonna say it, but they didn’t. Maybe that big reveal has to come in its own game. Maybe this was just a setup for it. Maybe you can’t do that reveal without more Gray Wardens and dwarves present, to feel really really bad about it.

But, dammit. I thought they were gonna tell us the dwarves created darkspawn to keep everyone away from their precious titan. And they didn’t. We just left one dwarf (now capable of casting magic?? think of what this will mean to Dagna!) down there in crazy town, by the lyrium ocean and among mountains that look a ton like Yangshuo. Solas, damn his eyes, kept his mouth shut the entire time.

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Hey Solas, look at all this crazy space down here in which something massive is breathing (a god you locked away?) and ancient-ass dwarves are running around with rapid-fire weapons. You want to say anything about it? No? Okay, cool.

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You want to maybe address the question of what the ability to cast magic has to do with purity? Eh? Sure, no, don’t let me bother you with ANCIENT THINGS ONLY YOU HAVE A CHANCE OF KNOWING A SMIDGEN ABOUT.

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Oooh, or what about this LYRIUM OCEAN. No? No thoughts. Cool, nothing to see here. Probably just serves as the basis for all life or something. No big.

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What about a metric fuckton of dead guys? What about how FREAKING MANY THERE WERE, SOLAS. No thoughts? Not even a “gee, it sure is nice that I learned to rez you guys, huh?” Oh, I get it though. The Dread Wolf, master trickster of gods and men, is having a moment of humility. Totally get it.

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Not even a whiff of interest in these underground mountain ranges with their greenery and fog and lyrium heart-sun? Seriously? Because I’m pretty sure that should interest you:

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SERIOUSLY SOLAS IT’S THE HEART OF THE FUCKING PLANET DOWN HERE. HOW CAN YOU SAY NOTHING. Doesn’t this conflict with your worldviews? Did you lock this shit down here and did the dwarves call it a Titan when it was once your buddy or something? Is this the elven immortality in a big pulsing blue heart? Don’t tell me you had nothing to do with this! You have your finger in every pie in Thedas, man.

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The heart even goes all Transformers into a lyrium rock monster. The sun dies for a minute there. Think of all those dead trees on the mountains! No can do, though. Solas ain’t saying squat. (Incidentally the theme that plays here really reminds me of a certain theme from FFX. I appreciated this. Except, you know, in keeping with what happened after that, I expected a dump truck full of feels that…never came.

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Honey what do you mean you’re staying down here. The hell. What are you going to eat, twigs? You do realize that when you say you’re fine I don’t have to believe you? It’s like concussions in football. No one cares what you think! You can’t go play until you get assessed by a doctor, girl! WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

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Oh god do I even want to know what you’re doing. Why’d you take his corpse?! Were the quakes to attract a new broodmother since we killed the old one in Awakening? And you’re going to reanimate Renn or something, make him into a darkspawn, to assist in that? Blech! But that would have nothing to do with the ability to cast! What does that have to do with anything? Also by the way, he probably won’t appreciate being made undead. Just a thought.

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This–this is what I thought we were going to have answered! And it wasn’t. It came so so close and asked all the right questions but ended with essentially this:

wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey-oARGH.

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