what you do at 3am

…you take anachronistic D&D character creation quizzes. Obviously.

I didn’t know people still did these things. It’s such a throwback to…a different kind of internet, I guess. Not nicer by any means, just…more niche? But there you go then. Lawful Good Druid. There are over a hundred questions that lead to this, so make sure you have the time if you want to poke at it.

I don’t know that Lawful Good is too helpful a person to be right now, though. Or even Druid, for that matter. The environment’s going to take a hit. So is goodness. You can’t stoneskin an entire nation. Not for four years.

I Am A: Lawful Good Human Druid (5th Level)

Ability Scores:







Lawful Good A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. However, lawful good can be a dangerous alignment when it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.

Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Druids gain power not by ruling nature but by being at one with it. They hate the unnatural, including aberrations or undead, and destroy them where possible. Druids receive divine spells from nature, not the gods, and can gain an array of powers as they gain experience, including the ability to take the shapes of animals. The weapons and armor of a druid are restricted by their traditional oaths, not simply training. A druid’s Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)


lifetime happiness points

In seeking old Maxis game soundtracks, sifting through SimFarm and SimTown and SimSafari, and finally reaching The Sims, I stumbled onto this brief compilation. Which contained this comment thread:

My heart bleeds as I listen to this. Honestly, my life turned to shit after 2004. This reminds me of the better times. I was happier. This is a souvenir, a keep sake. Thanks for sharing this treasure.
What happened, if I may ask?
+Leon 3000 I began to deal with depression as i got older.
Ah, that sucks, does medication help?
+Leon 3000 I cope. So no medication for me. Plus, I don’t tell people I’m depressed.
I had the same problem from 18-22. Then I met some guys from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was never interested in religion and had always heard bad things about the “Mormons”. After some time allowing them to teach me, I started to read The Book of Mormon and the Bible as they asked me. It wasn’t easy, but I could feel my life changing gradually. Today, 5 years later, I am a member of this church, married, have 2 kids, and can guarantee that be baptize in this church was the best medicine I could ever have!
+Baspa Araujo that’s interesting. I know very little about mormons. I don’t know any personally. I was raised christian and I continue to tell people i’m christian but the truth is, I’ve lost my faith entirely. I haven’t prayed in years and when I try, I just have no words because i don’t even believe in what I’m saying. It’s a great thing you found a way out. Thanks for sharing.
+Grey Mouse surprised to see this is from 4 days ago, insofar as I could actually comment here and you would see it, and it may mean something. How random too, when I went nostalgia hunting on a whim, to find this. Raised devoutly Christian and even having worked in a Christian summer camp which I loved for some years, I lost my faith entirely as well. The logic of life demanded me to see things as they are: shitty. Realistic, hard, and at times rewarding. And now that you got me thinking, I feel like those raised with heavy religion from ignorant past generations are more likely to feel the crushing weight of depression when the reality of life kicks in, coupled with our being so much more informed (in the Information Age, very much as written in the philosophy of the Ecclesiastes) that meaning in life is subjective, fleeting, perhaps even nonexistent. That’s why they clung to a “higher power”, believing “he’s just testing us.” Bullshit.
I liken this to the millennial generation (myself) having been raised thinking we would be rock stars, presidents, and princesses–only to grow up in a harsh world to find that we aren’t so special, and no great overlying force would pave the way of salvation for us. At the end of the day, organized religion and in my opinion the doting of nervous parents are forms of vapid insecurity (imho). People forgot that they, themselves, you and I, are the forces that shaped this world and all of humanity’s accomplishments. I can feel depressed at times: I failed out my first year of school, went through drug addictions, lost many that I loved and still have a sister who’s coming out of having lost years of her young life to addiction. Now I’m back in school having started a company from the ground up with my brother and father and made something for myself. I’m no longer depressed, because I saw that I was the only thing that could solve that, could solve my problems, make something work.
And I grew up with games like the sims. I eventually traded them for books. I grew up with the stories of the bible, I eventually traded them for Roger Zelazny’s Amber Chronicles (to name a few.) Intellectual enlightenment far surpasses any religious madness, shirking the responsibilities of suffering through life and trying our best, knowing that it’s us that’s doing good, not some guiding hand. I urge you to understand that in this world, first and foremost, you have yourself. And you can pull yourself out of anything (if you pay a small fee of $20 per month for my personalized motivational videos sent directly to you.) Be the best you, with my help. OMG IM SO KIDDING. Forgive the note of levity to lighten the mood. If you have to, go see a doctor or a therapist. Maybe they could help. If I were you, I’d take a good long look in the mirror at the fucker staring back at you, and say “there’s the asshole who’s going to make shit work for me.” It’s you and only you. You started
in this world the same way that all the greatest minds of our history did: just a person. Sorry to rant at you but I just saw so much of myself in what you said that I thought I might be able to help a bit. Remember that no ones going to do it for you man. But that’s fine. That’s damn fine, if you want it to be. Big ups, Random internet stranger.
+dublonz55 you’re very helpful. I appreciate your words for real. I agree with you when you say that the problem is the way our parents beat religion into our heads. They emphasize on religion and not so much the spiritual aspect of it. What does religion do for me when I hit rock bottom? I almost feel like the whole thing is emotional blackmail. If i don’t pray or whatever, i will be punished. I don’t really need professional help. I’m not suicidal. Plus, it will jeopardize my career

Let it not be said that we are incapable of addressing the darkness in our hearts with games, or that we are alone in doing so.

random music fridays : your hand in mine

As angered as I am by people just burying their heads in the sand, refusing to fight, and to admit where the institutions they trusted did them wrong…I don’t know. No one will feel motivated to save a world they think can’t be saved. You should remember the good in it, or you won’t do shit to stop any of this from getting worse. For that, there is this.


election 3am

I take the dog out.

He’s been patient throughout the election coverage, but he needs out now. It’s cold. Our yard faces out onto the street, on a corner. We wanted to build a fence but couldn’t save enough before it grew too late. It’s spitting rain, and leaves are whipping down the pavement making wet slapping sounds. I’m not sure, given what’s happening to the dollar, that we’ll be able to afford a fence in spring, either.

Under the circumstances, a fence — which rings far too closely to a wall, in these bitter hours — is the least of my problems.

The big guys walking down the street, though, are immediate. They remind me why I wanted the fence. They are drunk. Loud. White. Coming from election coverage downtown? A bar? A house? I don’t know. I shrink against the siding, in the shadow cast by a streetlight on the corner. The dog growls a little, and I silently beg him to hush. He is ten pounds; he’d defend me but he’d be kicked aside like a football. Go away, go away, go away, I think. I want the men to go away so I can step out of the shadow of the house and open the door and go inside.

I think they are gone, and I relax, and then the wind gusts and sends a bit of the neighbor’s rotted garden gate thumping heavily down into the leaves. I jump, and bite back a curse, in case the drunk guys are still around. And the fear of that, and the stupidity of thinking a fence would save me, or anyone, from the shit that is coming, not from a couple guys but from the thousands like them across the country who helped this to happen, slaps at me hard and I stand there, waiting to cry. Thinking it would help.

But I don’t. It wouldn’t. I’m not nearly the worst off here; I have no right to tears. White, cis, and bi but able through marriage to pass as straight, I don’t have half as much to fear as my trans and POC friends. As the people I thought I could sigh with relief with over the lunacy of this election, tomorrow. The people who thought, like I did, that this wouldn’t happen. Couldn’t happen.

That it was lunacy.

There are people in my feeds saying their mothers are warning them not to wear hijabs. Saying to their friends, their partners, if you need documentation from your city/county/state re: your gender, do it now. Now. Because you may only have 70 days in which to do so. I see people from Korea, Scotland, France, panicking. Panicking. About us and what we’ve done, and who we’ll hurt along the way toward what we’ll do. Some people, strong people, are already plotting and planning and discussing what they will do. How to minimize the damage done. They have the energy to do this.

But I am low on energy. I was supposed to be trying to have a child by now, after the MCM, but instead I spent the day before the election in a radiology lab as a woman ran a wand back and forth over my collarbone, squinting at a screen to see if it was cancer. You do not, of course, attempt to have a child if your collarbone is decorated with tumors like Christmas ornaments.

Even if you’re healthy, though, do you still make that attempt, if the country that child would be born into is on fire?

Do you?

that diffuse glow tho

Skyrim’s enhanced edition came out, for free for PC players, and here there be diffuse glow:


Also, improved water effects.


Improved stars? More subdued than the galaxy mods I had downloaded, but this clashes less with the northern lights when they appear, it’s true.


Of course, it’s not all shiny sunsets. Sometimes you have to take out the odd dragon here and there. You know how it is.